why fall in love when you could fall on the floor and never get up
Shout out to all the closeted LGBT people who have to return to unsafe family environments this season. Remember that there is nothing wrong with you and that no, you are not a hypocrite for loving the people who raised you despite the things they have done to hurt you. Above all remember that you will always have friends who support you even if your family does not.
When I get comfortable with people I start using them as pillows and foot rests
when i get used as a pillow or foot rest i feel loved
“No one understands your pain. No one understands your weakness. No one understands your courage. No one understands your life. But listen, you do. You feel the pain everyday, you feel physically and emotionally drained - putting on a mask to hide when your joints ache, and your head pounds and your insides burn, you know you have the courage to take steroids and tablets and go through uncomfortable tests. You understand this is your life now. So, even if others can’t see this invisible illness, just remember you are strong, courageous and beautiful. Love yourself first, look in the mirror and be happy - because you are fighting everyday, on your own, and if that isn’t strength I don’t know what is.”
"… but you don’t look sick.”
Been saying this to myself a lot lately. The second half.
“Your needs don’t make you too much. They don’t make you selfish or weak or greedy. They make you human. We all have needs. And those hungers aren’t something we should feel ashamed of. They’re normal, we didn’t get enough of them as children hungers. Affections we’ve been deprived of by the people who are supposed to care for us. Connections we needed to feel whole and spaces we needed to feel safe. Cravings we’ve been taught we didn’t deserve. Appetites we’ve learned to suppress and fill with guilt. Again and again we’ve neglected our needs because we’ve been taught that they were too much— that we were too much. But we don’t have to any longer. You don’t have to.
Daniell Koepke (via internal-acceptance-movement)
Whether you need emotional support, alone time, physical affection, more communication, a connection with another human being, validation of your feelings, compassion, or reassurance that you are loved — it is more than okay to ask for what you need. Making your needs known isn’t about being demanding or selfish. It’s about self-care. It’s about creating a safer space for yourself. It’s about using your voice and speaking your truth. It’s about giving yourself permission to take up space. It’s about listening to your hungers and honoring them. It’s about letting go of the harmful messages you’ve internalized and trusting that you are deserving, worthy, and enough.”
“You are so good. So good, you’re always feeling so much. And sometimes it feels like you’re gonna bust wide open from all the feeling, don’t it? People like you are the best in the world, but you sure do suffer for it.”Silas House, This is My Heart for You (via fromonesurvivortoanother)
reminder that no one is required to love their parents because a lot of people do have genuinely shitty parents and if you invalidate people’s feelings about their toxic parents i’ll probably punch you in the throat
#NOTE TO ALL TV SHOWS THAT HAVE A CHARACTER WHO IS ESTABLISHED AS HAVING A TOXIC PARENT #AND THEN HAVE A STORYLINE WHERE THEY FORGIVE AND BECOME CLOSE WITH THAT PARENT #YOUR CHARACTERS DESERVE TO BANISH TOXIC PARENTS FROM THEIR LIVES #SO THAT REAL PEOPLE KNOW THEY CAN DO THAT TOO AND IT’S OK
Your feelings are valid
You pain is real
Your needs matter
We live in a family normative culture. Phrases like “family first,” are taken for granted and “family is the most important thing,” is the directly expressed moral of many books and films. But in a society in which 1 in 4 people is molested (usually by parents or immediate family) and many more are abused by family in other severe ways, is this really a widely functional view? I’ve coined the term “family shaming,” to describe this systematic alienation of those without available or loving families.
If you meet someone and you don’t know his sexuality, it’s not polite to say “So, do you have a boyfriend?” And, not knowing someone’s political background, you wouldn’t declare to her that all people of a particular party were idiots. Yet every day, people who would never say things like these do similar by saying to orphans “What are you and your family doing for the holiday?” or to abuse survivors,”Someone must have raised you right!” On evaluation, these statements are clearly very painful to anyone but those blessed with loving family, but they don’t get examined.
Here are some phrases modified to be less family shaming:
"Did you and your family have a good Christmas?"
"How was your Christmas?"
"Don’t you hate it when your dad…"
"I hate it when my dad…"
"Your parents seem really nice."
"What are your parents like?"
"I don’t care who you are, you have to respect your mother!"
"I think mothers as a group deserve more respect."
"You know how families can be."
"I’m annoyed with my family."
"Someone must have raised you right!"
"You have good manners!"
"I hate my family! I have the worst parents ever."
"I think my family can be unfair because…"
It’s simple to make the world a safer and more comfortable place for those already living with the pain and loss of having no family.
Why not make life a little bit better for those who are already hurting?
(likes and reblogs always taken as support)
Also, can we stop assuming that adults who pay their own rent have a “home” elsewhere? And if someone is not close to their family (and you’re not close friends), please do not ask “why not?” Respecting their boundaries is more important than your curiosity.
If you know someone has issues with their family:
- DO NOT TELL OTHER PEOPLE WITHOUT THEIR CONSENT. It’s not a fun piece of trivia, and not your information to share.
- DO NOT SPECULATE WITH OTHERS AS TO WHAT THOSE ‘ISSUES’ ARE. See above.
- DO NOT ATTEMPT TO USE THEIR FAMILY ISSUES TO EXPLAIN THEIR CURRENT BEHAVIOUR OR OTHER PERSONAL ISSUES. (For example: “Charlie keeps arguing with the manager. I think he has problems with authority because he grew up in foster care”). It’s dehumanizing and gross. I don’t care if you studied psychology and you just want to help or whatever. You are not their doctor or therapist, and you aren’t informed enough to make that link. So don’t do it.
I cut contact with mine 4 years ago. I just refer to them as ‘blood’ now instead of family. They aren’t my family anymore. They were abusive and unapologetic, racist, sexist, homophobic, and down right shamey in their language. I don’t care to really explain this in any great detail, but the point is: you are not alone. There are others who feel as you do about family and blood.
It is totally up to you what you do about your family, and no one else gets to decide for you. You can leave them, love them, forgive them, give them chances, or whatever it is you need to do to feel safe and to self-care. And you have all the time in the world to decide this. You’ve got this, you sparkly pony. <3
“There is nothing wrong with wanting attention. It doesn’t make you selfish. It doesn’t make you desperate or pathetic or weak. It makes you human. We all want to be noticed. We all need to feel seen and heard and valued. And we all deserve to have those needs met. You are no exception. You deserve to take up space. You deserve to be acknowledged and loved and cared for. You deserve to shine. Don’t let anyone, including yourself, convince you otherwise.”
Daniell Koepke (via yourwordsplease)
The most powerful sentence “You deserve to take up space”. Knocked the wind out of me.
“I have come to believe over and over again that what is most important to me must be spoken, made verbal and shared, even at the risk of having it bruised or misunderstood.”Audre Lorde (via queerfatfemme)
Every single person has some kind of weirdness or baggage that makes them some person’s version of 100% undateable. You. Me. Them. Everybody! Fortunately, we all also have qualities that make us just what someone is looking for.
Attraction is subjective and unfair. You can’t force yourself to feel it when you don’t. And it’s possible to feel very attracted to people who don’t make good partners for you.
Rejection (or lack of connection) is totally normal. You can/will meet lots of people who are perfectly fine/great/awesome, whatever but who aren’t right for you and you aren’t right for them, and that is okay. You don’t have to know that right away when you meet someone and you are allowed to take a little time to figure it out.” Captain Awkward (via herecomessickning)
Reminds me of when Del was a kitten. ^_^;