All I want to do is lay in my papasan in my PJ’s and look at tumblr all day. Stupid having a job thing! >_< mrrrooww
My finances and my imagination are my two primary sources of depression and anxiety. Both cause me to be a miserable wreck and cripple my ability to act. I just can’t seem to catch a break lately. In and out, in and out.
meh meh mehmehmehmehmehmehmehmehmehmeh
I am at my happiest point of the day when I am listening to music and dancing. So, I think for the next couple of weeks, each night I am going to keep practicing my dancing. Someday I’ll be darned tootin’ good at it.
I am sad as heck right now. The play ended last night and I already miss it, and my fellow Chorusers do I miss, too. boohoo~
I am ready to do my next one!
We did it! The opening night was a success. Even though I was full of anxiety, I continued on; I used my own anxiety as my energy. I made it mine! BOOYA!
And thanks to freakywinduptoy for the encouragement… ;-)
Tonight is the night. I have steeled myself and girded my loins; Agamemnon is at hand!
today is miserable, and all i want to do is feel miserable for myself. blah blah blah blah. imma go take a nap.
How horrible I burned your heart. I wanted you so much. I had no idea what I was doing to your mental state of being, and such ignorance being no excuse at all, was instead a crime so disastrous it could only be a betrayal of your trust.
In my younger days we had such great times, filled with a lot of drunkenness, laughter, and shenanigans. Those were the beginning times of my late blooming social life, and you helped to carry it along further than anyone else had. I loved you for that,— and for so much more, of course,— but then I fell far from the glory of that love.
Once, while waiting on another friend to let us into his house, we listened to Pavarotti with the truck windows rolled all the way down; I hung my feet out a door window, smoked on my cigarette, and drank a beer with you. You thought I was just nuts for listening to Pavarotti, you called me ‘queer.’ But you laughed, you smiled, we had good times.
I am listening to Pavarotti right now, in fact. I didn’t think doing so would make me think of you, but it did, and my heart has grown heavy with past ills.
But no matter, I say no matter. I cannot keep beating myself up over this each time it comes to mind; wasn’t I to have forgiven myself? And later, after my betrayal, did you not also forgive me? Alas, perhaps I am just sentimental and nostalgic for those old days; I wasn’t nearly so depressed then.
I have grown much since then, I have become aware of so much. For what good it’s done, I do think I have become much better than I was before. I recognize I still have a long way to go, so I will not stop; there is no going back now, I can only look for today.
I hope you are well, and happy, too. Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing. And maybe I will be happy one day as well.
With Kindest of Regards,
Justin Black, of considerable consequence
not today, motherfucker. no bad thoughts.
yeah, yeah. I am being flaky about this naked science thing. I’m just going to post stuff here. i don’t know why i didn’t before.
I’m going to start posting other things I don’t normally post, like happy naked people, erotic artful photographs of people, science stuff, and whatever else floats my happy boat. I’m too strict in what I post!
Here it is 12:41 in the morning and I just wanted to tell you all how much I dislike my current tumblr theme, I can’t ever seem to be satisfied with one. Ok, then. Goodnight, bb.
So, for the past four months I have been rehearsing for a play. I have never done this before, it is all together new. There have been some struggles, but for the most part I have trucked on.
There have been times I didn’t want to go to rehearsal, I didn’t think I could do it. For a long while there we have even had a hard time finding a venue to perform in. When we finally found a place though, something inside of me sparked.
All of a sudden I have all the zest and gusto in the world. All of my lines are memorized, I have my blocking all down. There is a new kind of confidence building up within me. I know not what to call it, but there it is. I look forward to every rehearsal now, and I am eager for our performance.
Perhaps if I can pull this off, I will continue doing theater. I am excited where this new hobby of mine will take me.