I experienced a bit of jealousy again over the weekend. That’s the second time now that I have experienced such a feeling. At first I felt ashamed for feeling as I did. I went to go hide in the bathroom, ended up removing my makeup to distract myself away from beating myself up. My companion came into the room with me,— after I consented —, we were quiet while I continued to remove the makeup, and then afterwards my companion made me feel so much better about how I was feeling. The reassurance and validation was just… I trust this person. I do, I do. It’s hard for me to trust someone, but here we are.
I trust you. Thank you.
I just had my hair trimmed up a teeny tiny bit and now I feel super sexy. I also have some good aftershave again. I’m gonna be sexy all week, it seems.
I just shaved my entire body in preparation for the weekend, and I nicked my damn left nipple. It huurrtts.
i sometimes think i make for a bad partner. like, i really get down on myself about this quite often. i need a lot of self time, but then i go through periods of really needing my partner(s) around and then that falls off into me needing a lot of alone time. or the fact that when my partner is around i get real sexual and touchy feely, and that messes me up because i feel like i am doing them a disservice and that i only keep them around for that. i know it ain’t true, but damned if i don’t get bent out of shape over it.
It’s true, I crave you. I do, I do.
I have decided that when I die I want my body donated to science.
Anger is real. What the shit. The more I come out, the worse it gets. I get real angry and bitter, too. I thought I was more laid back about it than this, but it turns out I am more “awakened”(?)… when people get it wrong, I feel angry. And my body shakes and I want to withdraw. Fuck this. =/
there are some people at the next table over talking about Rocky Horror Picture Show. one of them mentioned how they saw it in radford. i was in the show in radford! i bet they don’t recognize my face because i don’t have the makeup on. :o
Hello! Hi… I am an agender person. I am not a boy or a girl. I just wanted all of you fabulous followers to know. If you must use pronouns with me then they/them work just fine, otherwise just refer to me as Griff. Ok?
Z the Invisible is where I have been anonymously talking about this for the past couple of weeks. And I just made an about me/faq page at my about me page.
Aegisthus, if you happen to be reading this, I ask that you do not talk about this around town, ok? If you must talk about it, keep it between you and K. You can talk to me in person/private if you wish, but leave this a secret. I don’t want everyone in town knowing my business. Thank you. :-)
I have wanted to get back into yoga and actually take it seriously. I’ve always felt good during and after a yoga session.
Patience has never been one of my strong suits. I wish it were, because I think it could do me some good to be patient. At least for my mental well being.
i’m a sexy beast today. maybe i should take a new selfie to commemorate this day of beastliness.
hmm thinkin’ about it. no promises.
rn i need a sex or seven. my body is flooding me with the hormones. bleh~
Everytime depression sets in I just want to throw in the towel. Calling it quits on everything would be so easy, wouldn’t it?
I know I can’t do that, though. I know I have to keep moving forward despite the thoughts that weigh so heavy on my mind. Depression lies, and those lies cannot win out.
It’s much harder when it’s a new feeling. I never actually thought I was capable of strong jealous feelings. But alas, it appears that I am.
Fear of abandonment? Of being neglected? Is it envy? It’s probably all of these things. I just have to trust that the other person is doing right by me, and at the same time trust that I am capable of being responsible, mature, and able to win out over bullshit nonsensical thoughts. To dissect them down to the lies, pick out the truth, and move from there.
Also, realizing I need to talk these things out with someone I trust is good. As well as having a hardcore cuddling session with a near and dear. Those are good remedies for calming myself and soothing the heart.
Ok, I am done rambling. Move along now. Keep scrolling. Nothing to see here.
I wrote these when I was 18. I used to write short stories and whole universes, then roleplay those stories in AOL chat rooms with other people. In the 90’s.
"In the spirit of a warrior, there is the need for hope. We strive to have a reason for battle. Without this, we get lost in the blood and the adrenaline of fighting. I have my great faith, which keeps me calm during my most secretively dark moments. And this faith provides me with purpose, the idea that I might one day be within a light greater than any sun or star could provide."
"Amongst this darkness, there must be a light. The shadows shall swell and the patterns of Earth will balance on the arms of the rusting figure of Justice. I will be there between these cast shadows. My word shall spread and cease the battering of evil. I shall fight, this I vow, no matter the price."