A How To Guide: When Someone You Know Has Changed Their Pronouns
I have changed my pronouns before and this is the advice I like to give people when they ask how to handle it. I get that it can be difficult, especially if you’ve known someone for years before they made this change. Here are some things to remember.
1. It ain’t about you. Yes, it’s a little uncomfortable the first few times you try to remember their pronouns (and in some cases, their current name). But YOUR discomfort about remembering something does not trump their dysphoria about being misgendered. Once you realize that it ain’t about you, it gets easier to remember. After all, this is someone you respect. So show it.
2. Ask when it’s appropriate to use their pronouns. Some people don’t use their pronouns everywhere because of safety concerns. Some people aren’t out to everyone. And some folks are fluid in relation to their pronouns. It isn’t your place to judge. If it’s okay with the person, you might consider completely dropping pronoun usage, especially in unsafe environments. Meaning, instead of s/he (or whatever else their pronoun is), just use their name. I find that makes the transition a little smoother.
3. Yes. You will need to think a second longer before you speak until it becomes second nature. In my cellphone, if someone changes their name or pronouns, I place a reminder next to their name. So for about a month is says Current Name/Previous Name (Pronoun). Example: Sally/Andrew (she). That way if I see a new number called Sally in my phone I’m not like, “Who the fuck is this?” After a while, I remember without the reminder and then I delete it. Same with screennames and such. I’ve used rhyming words to help remember things. There are lots of mental tricks to help. Do whatever you gotta do. But when you talk TO them or ABOUT them or in RELATION to them… use the correct words. I’m notoriously HORRIBLE at remembering things so I tell people upfront. “Just so you know, I will do my very best to respect you and call you by your correct name/pronouns. I might fuck up because I am forgetful but PLEASE call me on it and I’ll make sure it doesn’t continue.” Not once has anyone been anything other than appreciative because everyone likes to feel respected.
4. WHEN (not if because if you do this long enough, you WILL) you misgender someone, APOLOGIZE. Don’t make it a huge deal. Simply, “I’m sorry.” I like to use someone’s name when I apologize because it sounds more sincere and it’s a reminder for myself as well. Use the correct pronoun (or name) and move one. Making a big deal of it to look super progressive actually makes you look like an ass. And if you’re really sorry, it shouldn’t keep happening.
That’s pretty much it. And yes, you have to use their pronoun and/or name even when they aren’t around. Saying shit like, “You know Andrew, right?” when you are talking about Sally is fucked up. Something like, “You know Sally, right?” Then describe the person. And if someone else misgenders them (and it’s someone who should know better) correct them. If not, you are co-signing their disrespectful bullshit and that’s not cool.
Over and out.
one of my pictures was reblogged by a couple of tumblrs that post pictures of alleged boys. i just wanna say i’m not a boy, so don’t do that. rude.
like i don’t care if you’re just a personal tumblr and you wanna like or reblog my photo, that’s cool. if you’re unsure, you can always ask me.
“Not every relationship is meant to last forever. Some people aren’t meant to stay in your life. Some people are just passing through to bring you something – perhaps a lesson you need to learn, or a memory that makes you smile years later. When the time comes, it’s okay to let go and move on with your life.”
MARC CHERNOFF (via arabarabarab)
Roomie made delicious food. Lamp chops, mushroom cap, mash potatoes, and yogurt sauce.
#food #foodporn #tw food #FOOOOODD #roomieisrad
new gender neutral term for person you’re dating : smooch
used in a sentence : my smooch and i are making ice cream sundaes tonight and watching adventure time in bed
“An even bigger issue is that if people think social justice is about niceness, it means they have fundamentally misunderstood privilege. Privilege does not mean you live in a world where people are nice to you and never insult you. It means you live in a world in which you, and people like you, are given systematic advantages over other people. Being marginalised does not mean people are always nasty to you, it means you live in a world in which many aspects of the cultural, social and economic systems are stacked against people like you. Some very privileged people have had awful experiences in life, but it does not erase their privilege.”The Revolution Will Not Be Polite (via afrafemme)
it’s weird how being poor has become glamorized in a way like thrift shopping and stuff like that tourist resort have commercialized on this trend of being poor but when it comes down to it everyone throws actual poor people under the bus. like you want the coolness or experience of being poor without actually being poor and dealing with the very real and terrifying struggles of actual poor people.
there are more than 2 genders you cannot use “both” or “either” because there are more than 2 please stop
"Cishet white males don’t understand-" you know what, maybe we do.
hey guys cishet white males understand a lot of things. examples
- how to play call of duty modern warfare
- how to play call of duty black ops
- how to play call of duty modern warfare 2
- how to play call of duty black ops 2
- how to play call of duty ghosts
and those are just SOME of the call of duty games that cishet white males understand
christmas is so much worse as you get older it’s like “what do you want this year?” “a sense of purpose”
"a career" "financial security" "a sex life" "tuition for grad school" "alcohol" "a nap" "socks would be nice"
Getting ready for worrrkk. Blaaah
#me #blackfriday #work
Alphabet Backwards. by jonmmmayhem
Continuing with the resurrection of old shoots from my recovered hard drive, here’s Cam Damage from one of our earliest shoots, in June of 2011. My, how far we’ve both come.
there are more pictures I’ve taken of her and her pets HERE
cis people act like youre telling them something wild when you say “you have no way of knowing if someone is or isnt trans” because they dont want to believe that any of those Good Normal Cis People they interact with could be One Of Us
I love all of these! :3